{"id":2429,"date":"2026-02-13T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2026-02-13T09:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/?p=2429"},"modified":"2026-05-14T09:02:35","modified_gmt":"2026-05-14T09:02:35","slug":"dealing-with-a-leader-who-bends-rules-and-diminishes-people-4-12","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/dealing-with-a-leader-who-bends-rules-and-diminishes-people-4-12\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with a leader who bends rules and diminishes people 4\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"

We show how shifting memory becomes a tool of power.
We argue that simple documentation protects reality.
We invite small routines that restore clarity and dignity.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Document as if you might need evidence later<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is a weekly essay series about power, the undercurrent, and regaining agency.
No diagnosis \u2014 but a sharp view of patterns that damage work and people.
Read slowly; choose one movement you can make today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In healthy organizations, memory is something soft. It lives in minutes, in agreements, in the way people tell roughly the same story.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In unhealthy organizations, memory becomes a battlefield.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI never said that.\u201d
\u201cThat\u2019s not what we meant.\u201d
\u201cYou misunderstood.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once can be human. But when history keeps shifting, it is no longer a misunderstanding. It becomes an instrument of power: plausible deniability. And it works, because decent people feel uncomfortable \u201ccollecting evidence.\u201d As if it is childish. As if it signals distrust.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But documenting is not distrust. Documenting is care for reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Think of a river. If you do not mark where it flowed, it seems as though it has always run here. And then anyone can later say: \u201cThat\u2019s just how it is.\u201d Marking is not hostile. It is precise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The art is to make documenting routine, not loaded. After a meeting, send a short recap. Not to trap someone, but to enable execution. Decision, action, owner, date. A few lines. And then the calm sentence that often works wonders: \u201cLet me know if this is not correct.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Something curious happens if you keep this up. Not immediately. Not dramatically. But gradually arbitrariness becomes more expensive. It costs more energy to deny a written trail than to stick to the agreement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Psychodynamically, documenting also works as containment. It holds tension in language, so it does not settle in bodies. Fewer nights replaying the conversation in your head. Fewer meetings where everyone \u201cfeels\u201d something different was agreed, but no one dares to say what.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is a nuance to keep sharp. Documenting has two faces. One is mature: recording to keep the work moving. The other is poisoned: accumulating to punish. In a context of boundary-crossing behavior, a file can be protection \u2014 but keep it factual. Timeline. Source. Effect. No judgment. No diagnosis. Only reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today, create a simple decision log. One document, one place. Each week, the key decisions and actions. Share it with one colleague if needed, so memory does not live only in your head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And at the bottom of the page, ask yourself something you usually ask too late: which truth keeps disappearing into thin air because no one writes it down?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take what resonates, leave what does not fit your context.
If this resonates: do not discuss it alone, but in plural.
What one step brings you this week closer to dignity and grounding?<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We show how shifting memory becomes a tool of power.
\nWe argue that simple documentation protects reality.
\nWe invite small routines that restore clarity and dignity.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[81],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2429","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-english"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2429","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2429"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2429\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2430,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2429\/revisions\/2430"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2429"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2429"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2429"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}