{"id":2437,"date":"2026-02-20T09:06:00","date_gmt":"2026-02-20T09:06:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/?p=2437"},"modified":"2026-05-14T09:07:17","modified_gmt":"2026-05-14T09:07:17","slug":"dealing-with-a-leader-who-bends-rules-and-makes-people-feel-small-5-12","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/dealing-with-a-leader-who-bends-rules-and-makes-people-feel-small-5-12\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with a leader who bends rules and makes people feel small 5\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"

We show that dominance thrives in private conversations where reality can shift.
By bringing decisions into the plural, we restore shared clarity and balance.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Move from one-on-one to plural<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is a weekly essay series about power, undercurrents, and agency.
No diagnosis, but a sharp view of patterns that damage work and people.
Read slowly; choose one move you can make today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dominance loves the solitary conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There, in the one-on-one, anything is possible. A promise without witnesses. A threat without traces. A reversal that later sounds like your misunderstanding. And the difficult part is: it often feels more intimate, as if you are being \u201ctrusted.\u201d As if you are special.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But it is also a form of dependency. Because whoever speaks alone can also be isolated alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is why one of the most powerful interventions is almost invisible: you bring important conversations into plurality. You put them in the light. Not to expose someone, but to make reality shared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You notice the difference immediately in the atmosphere of a meeting. Instead of \u201che said to me,\u201d it becomes \u201cwe decided together.\u201d Instead of whispered information, you get agenda information. And with that, power shifts from relationship to role.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Psychodynamically, this is a correction against isolation \u2014 the oxygen of the rule of the strongest. Plurality makes it harder to rewrite someone\u2019s reality. It also gives bystanders a position: they do not have to choose between you and the leader, they can choose for a shared agreement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still, it requires finesse. If you abruptly say, \u201cI\u2019m not doing this one-on-one anymore,\u201d it can be experienced as loss of face. And loss of face is a dangerous trigger in this kind of dynamic. So work with normalization. Make it practical. \u201cShall we do this with the three of us, so we all have the same information?\u201d Or: \u201cLet\u2019s put this on the agenda, then we can decide faster.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can also organize this internally. Teams agree that decisions are always communicated back in the same setting. That there is one decision list. That information does not travel through private channels. It sounds small, but it cuts deep into the game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today, choose one theme you no longer want to discuss in the wings. Put it on an agenda. Write down one sentence about the goal: which decision is needed, and which criteria belong to it. And notice, in yourself, what it feels like to step out of the shadows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then ask yourself a question that is more honest than comfortable: where do you feel most alone in this dynamic, and what does that tell you about where the power is hiding?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take what fits, leave what doesn\u2019t match your context.
If this resonates: don\u2019t discuss it alone, but in plural.
Which one step brings you closer to dignity and containment this week?<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We show that dominance thrives in private conversations where reality can shift.
\nBy bringing decisions into the plural, we restore shared clarity and balance.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[81],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2437","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-english"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2437","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2437"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2437\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2438,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2437\/revisions\/2438"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2437"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2437"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2437"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}