{"id":2472,"date":"2026-04-03T09:28:00","date_gmt":"2026-04-03T09:28:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/?p=2472"},"modified":"2026-05-14T09:29:22","modified_gmt":"2026-05-14T09:29:22","slug":"dealing-with-a-leader-who-bends-rules-and-makes-people-feel-small-11-12","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/dealing-with-a-leader-who-bends-rules-and-makes-people-feel-small-11-12\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with a leader who bends rules and makes people feel small 11\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"

We show that formal escalation becomes necessary when repeated boundary violations are normalized.
By documenting facts and escalating calmly, we restore safety and system integrity.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Escalate formally when boundaries are structurally violated<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is a weekly essay series about power, undercurrents, and agency.
No diagnosis, but a sharp view of patterns that damage work and people.
Read slowly; choose one move you can make today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There comes a moment when \u201cdealing with it\u201d turns into \u201callowing it to continue.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That moment is rarely spectacular. It is often quiet. You notice that boundaries are crossed again and again, and that the damage accumulates: absenteeism, mistakes, cynicism, turnover. And you notice something else: that you begin to normalize the abnormal. That you accept things you would never accept elsewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Formal escalation sounds heavy. But sometimes it is the only adult move. Not as revenge, but as system correction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Good escalation is boring. Factual. Timeline. Impact. Risk. Request.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not: \u201cHe is a narcissist.\u201d
But: \u201cThere is a recurring pattern of decision-making outside the agreed governance, with demonstrable impact on quality and safety. I request an investigation and protective measures.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You choose the channel that fits the seriousness. HR, compliance, a confidential advisor, works council, supervisory board. And if intimidation, discrimination, or serious unsafety is involved, treat it as a safety issue, not as a \u2018conflict.\u2019 That distinction is essential: conflict suggests symmetry. Unsafety requires protection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The greatest pitfall is half-escalation. Threatening without following through increases your vulnerability. If you choose escalation, do it with documentation, allies, and calm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Psychodynamically, escalation is also a test for the system. Can the organization correct itself, or does it ask you to adapt to what cannot be corrected?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take twenty minutes today. Write one page: three incidents with date and fact, one pattern sentence, the impact on risk or quality, and one concrete request to the system. Do not send it yet. Just organize it. Just reality-check it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then ask yourself, gently but sharply: what price are you paying right now to protect the organization from the discomfort of a clear choice?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take what fits, leave what does not match your context.
If this resonates: don\u2019t discuss it alone, but in the plural.
Which one step brings you closer this week to dignity and containment?<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We show that formal escalation becomes necessary when repeated boundary violations are normalized.
\nBy documenting facts and escalating calmly, we restore safety and system integrity.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[81],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2472","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-english"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2472","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2472"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2472\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2473,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2472\/revisions\/2473"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2472"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2472"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2472"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}