{"id":2476,"date":"2026-04-10T09:30:00","date_gmt":"2026-04-10T09:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/?p=2476"},"modified":"2026-05-14T09:31:42","modified_gmt":"2026-05-14T09:31:42","slug":"dealing-with-a-leader-who-bends-rules-and-makes-people-feel-small-12-12","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/dealing-with-a-leader-who-bends-rules-and-makes-people-feel-small-12-12\/","title":{"rendered":"Dealing with a leader who bends rules and makes people feel small 12\/12"},"content":{"rendered":"

We show that individual skills are not enough when a system organizes itself around arbitrariness.
Agency without illusions means choosing clearly, protecting boundaries, and not losing yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Week 12 \u2014 Agency without illusions<\/strong><\/h1>

This is a weekly essay series about power, the undercurrent, and agency.<\/p>

No diagnosis\u2014just a clear-eyed view of patterns that damage work and people.<\/p>

Read slowly; choose one move you can already make today.<\/p>

If you stay long enough in a dominant dynamic, something strange happens.<\/p>

You start thinking your exhaustion is a personal failure.<\/p>

That you should be \u201cstronger.\u201d<\/p>

That you should communicate \u201cmore skilfully.\u201d<\/p>

That you should set boundaries \u201cbetter.\u201d<\/p>

Of course skills help. Of course choosing your words helps. But there is another truth, one that is often spoken only late: some systems organise themselves around arbitrariness. And as long as the system does not choose norm restoration, your individual skill remains patchwork.<\/p>

That\u2019s why the moves in this series were not tricks. They were adult ways of bringing reality back. Always the same direction: from person to pattern, from duel to holding environment, from shadow to light.<\/p>

You may have noticed something in yourself as you read. That some chapters gave you breathing room. That others triggered resistance because they came too close to a choice. That isn\u2019t strange. This work isn\u2019t only about a leader. It\u2019s also about your relationship to loyalty, fear, autonomy, and courage.<\/p>

Sometimes this route works within the organisation. Then you see recovery. People dare to speak again. Decisions stabilise. Fear decreases. Quality rises.<\/p>

Sometimes it doesn\u2019t. Then the system teaches you something more painful: it cannot yet protect itself. And then your agency is not to pull harder, but to choose clearly. Not impulsively, but precisely.<\/p>

Agency without illusions is: I do what I can, with allies, with facts, with frames. And I recognise in time where my influence ends.<\/p>

You don\u2019t have to win.<\/p>

You don\u2019t have to heal.<\/p>

You don\u2019t have to rescue.<\/p>

Above all, you don\u2019t have to lose yourself.<\/p>

Write down one sentence today: your lower limit. A stop criterion. Not as a threat, but as truth. Share it with one reliable ally\u2014not to create drama, but to honour your own reality.<\/p>

And let this series end with an open question, one you don\u2019t have to answer in one go: when you look back on these twelve weeks later, what do you hope you can say about yourself\u2014not about the leader, but about your dignity and courage?<\/p>

Take what fits, leave what doesn\u2019t match your context.<\/p>

If this resonates: don\u2019t discuss it alone, discuss it in the plural.<\/p>What one step brings you closer this week to dignity and a holding environment?<\/span><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We show that individual skills are not enough when a system organizes itself around arbitrariness.
\nAgency without illusions means choosing clearly, protecting boundaries, and not losing yourself.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[81],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2476","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-english"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2476","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2476"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2476\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2477,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2476\/revisions\/2477"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2476"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2476"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dbvp.nl\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2476"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}