What Do You Give Up

**Summary**

This blog explores the moments in which we give something of ourselves — out of love, loyalty, or necessity — and the moments in which we protect our boundaries. How do we distinguish between what can give way and what is essential?

Sometimes situations ask us to make a sacrifice. It may be something small — a bit of time, a preference, a habit. Sometimes it concerns something big: a conviction, a dream, a part of our identity. We give something up for the sake of a greater whole, or for someone who is dear to us. In those moments, the motive is often love, responsibility, or the pursuit of harmony.

But not every sacrifice is healthy. Sometimes we give away more than is good for us. Out of fear of rejection, out of a habit of pleasing others, or because we think that “this is just how it’s done.” Then what we give up touches our core. If we make concessions too often or too deeply, something of who we truly are can slowly disappear. And the difficult thing is: this loss rarely happens all at once. It creeps in quietly, little by little.

In life — and especially in leadership — it is therefore essential to distinguish between what can yield and what is essential. Some values are negotiable; others are not. Some choices require flexibility; others require steadfastness. This calls for self-knowledge: knowing what your foundation is, which values are not for sale for you, and which aspects of yourself you never want to fully sacrifice.

Recognizing these boundaries often begins in silence. In the busyness of everyday life, we easily overlook the signals our body and emotions give us. But if we take the time to truly listen, we usually notice them: that tension in our stomach, that knot in our throat, that lingering feeling of resistance. These are indicators that we may be giving up something of ourselves that cannot be given up without harm.

This dynamic plays out just as much in teams and organizations. Professionals may, out of loyalty, ambition, or pressure from above, do things that conflict with their values. In the short term, this may sometimes seem like the easiest path, but in the long run it costs energy, motivation, and engagement. A culture in which people can express their boundaries is therefore not only healthier, but also more productive. Protecting boundaries is not obstruction; it is an investment in sustainable collaboration.

There are also moments when giving something up can be powerful and connecting. When we consciously choose to set aside our own comfort to make space for another. When, in a conflict, we temporarily let go of our own position in order to truly listen to what drives the other person. When we break with a familiar pattern to make a new path possible. In such moments, giving something up is not a loss, but an investment in relationship, growth, or renewal.

The art, then, is not to hold on at all costs, nor to always go along with everything. It is the art of knowing when to bend and when to stand firm. This requires reflection and dialogue: an open conversation with yourself and with the people around you. In leadership, this means regularly asking yourself the question: “What am I giving up right now? And why?”

When you have a clear answer to that question, you can choose much more consciously. Sometimes this will mean giving more than you thought you could afford to lose. Sometimes it will mean drawing the line and saying: this is as far as it goes, and no further. In both cases, the choice becomes stronger, because it is rooted in awareness and connected to your values.

Perhaps that is the core: knowing what is non-negotiable for you, and what you are willing to share. Only then can you move with conviction, clarity, and integrity within the complex dynamics of relationships, work, and society.

*Rene de Baaij*