Remaining Faithful to What Feels Right

**Summary**

Sometimes you feel it before you know it. That subtle discomfort when a decision is formally correct, but inwardly feels off. It is precisely there that the question arises whether you remain faithful to what feels right.

It usually happens quietly. A decision has been made, the documents have been checked, all the boxes are ticked. And yet you feel it in your body: a slight tension, a subtle unease. As if something has shifted that is not immediately visible, but is perceptible nonetheless.

Perhaps it is a small concession—an deviation from what once felt self-evident. Signing off on something you do not fully support, but that fits within the rules. And suddenly you are no longer the leader who holds the course, but the administrator who allows for leeway.

That moment calls for more than reason. It calls for honesty toward yourself: does this still align with who I want to be in this role?

Core Insight – Integrity as a Quiet Presence

Integrity rarely shows itself in grand gestures. It reveals itself in the small moments when no one is watching. In the decision to ask a difficult question after all. In the willingness to endure the discomfort of a conversation that does not lead to consensus. In refusing to be swept along by urgency or systemic pressure.

The challenge is that the environment often works differently. Systems are oriented toward results, speed, and harmony. They tempt us to adjust our inner compass just a little too far. First temporarily, then more often. What was unthinkable yesterday already feels pragmatic today.

This is not a sign of ill will, but of humanity. We look for ways to reduce tension—and justification can be an important part of that. The conscience is not switched off, but drowned out by a new norm that fits the circumstances better.

The Role of Shame and Self-Justification

Shame plays a hidden role here. Not always the visible shame we feel after a clear mistake, but the quiet shame of betraying something that is essential to us. To avoid having to feel that, we construct narratives that make our actions seem logical. “It had to be this way.” “This is better for the greater good.” “Everyone does this.”

These stories are sometimes necessary to function, but they can also move us further away from that inner knowing. The more often we tell them, the less we feel the original friction—and the more we lose ourselves in what is socially acceptable.

Deepening – A Conversation That Changed Everything

A director of a social organization once told me about a decision to “strategically frame” a grant application. Everything was neatly within the rules. No one had lied. And yet… “I couldn’t sleep,” she said.

What had happened was this: the decision resulted in a team—one that had worked with heart and soul on a project for years—being sidelined. Their vision aligned less well with the new policy and was therefore not included.

Formally, it was understandable. Relationally, it felt like betrayal.

She decided not to reverse the decision—it would only complicate the process—but she did choose to publicly acknowledge what it had cost. In a team meeting, she spoke about the pain of making this choice and acknowledged that it represented a loss for those involved.

The effect was unexpected. There was relief. People felt seen in their disappointment. Not everything was resolved, but it became real again. There was space for grief as well as for renewed trust.

Leadership as a Relational Compass

True leadership is not only about making decisions. It is about being present with their consequences—even when those consequences are painful.

That means:

- Looking not only at formal correctness, but also at relational and moral impact.

- Acknowledging what a decision costs, instead of smoothing it over.

- Daring to slow down, especially when pressure is high.

- Making visible what you yourself struggle with, so that others dare to show their own doubt as well.

When you remain faithful to what feels right, you increase the resilience of the entire system. People sense that your words do not merely serve a strategy, but are rooted in something deeper.

The Temptation of Pragmatism

In many environments, leaders are expected to compromise. Sometimes that is necessary to move forward. But there is a difference between a compromise you make consciously and transparently, and a concession that hollows you out from within.

Pragmatism becomes dangerous when it turns into habit. When it becomes increasingly unclear where your own boundary lies, you run the risk of losing yourself in meeting expectations. Ultimately, this is not only harmful to you, but also to the people who rely on you as a beacon of reliability.

An Invitation to Self-Inquiry

Remaining faithful to what feels right requires continuous self-reflection:

- Do you recognize the moment when something feels inwardly off?

- Do you know which values are non-negotiable for you?

- Do you dare to say out loud when you choose to do something you would actually prefer not to do?

- How do you deal with the tension between your inner knowing and external pressure?

This self-inquiry is not a luxury, but a core element of leadership. Precisely because the system does not always ask for your integrity, but does depend on its presence.

Closing – The Question That Remains

Leadership asks for more than accountability in numbers and results. It asks for attunement to something that does not fit into policy or structures: your own knowing.

What does it ask of you to remain faithful to what you yourself know to be right?

Especially when no one explicitly asks it of you—or when it costs you something?

*Geschreven door: Rene de Baaij*