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Samenvatting

Not everyone observed two minutes of silence. And some stood still much longer. Commemoration reveals not only who we are, but also who or what we unconsciously leave out of view.

Not everyone observed two minutes of silence. And some stood still much longer. The national Remembrance of the Dead and Liberation Day raise questions every year about who is commemorated—and who is not. About who feels represented in the collective ritual, and who quietly fades into the shadow of the silence.

Commemoration is more than a ceremony. It is a moment in which past, present, and future touch. But what we choose to name in that moment—and what we leave unspoken—may say even more than the words that are spoken.

Core Insight – The Selectivity of Memory

Memory is never complete. It is selective, colored, and layered. In communities, families, organizations, and societies, there are always two kinds of stories:

1. The spoken stories—those officially told, in speeches, books, and reports.

2. The undercurrent stories—those that whisper only in silences, gestures, or avoided glances.

Sometimes the past is too painful, too complex, or too charged to put into words. A group then chooses—consciously or unconsciously—for silence. But that silence does not erase the past; it settles into behavior, culture, and relationships.

You see this in organizations as well. A merger that was successful on paper, but that people still whisper about years later. A conflict that was formally resolved, but where the energy remains blocked. A colleague who suddenly disappeared—without anyone ever saying out loud why.

Commemoration, in whatever form, offers the possibility to break these silences. Not to rewrite the past, but to give it an acknowledged place.

The Function of Rituals

Rituals have a particular power. They mark transitions, make loss visible, and give form to what words cannot fully express. At their best, they connect the personal and the collective.

A well-designed ritual:

- Creates safety to feel what needs to be felt.

- Gives recognition to what has been important, even when it was painful.

- Creates connection between people, beyond content and differences.

It takes courage from leaders to facilitate such moments—especially when they are uncomfortable or reopen old wounds. But the alternative is often worse: an organization or community that becomes emotionally rigid while outwardly continuing as usual.

Deepening – A Closed Door

A CEO of a family business once told me about a room in the office building that always remained closed. It was the office of his father, the founder of the company. After his sudden death, the room had been left untouched. No one used it, but no one spoke about it either.

During an internal conversation about the company’s history, this came up. The CEO said softly, “It feels like a mausoleum. As if we never really processed his death.”

That conversation became a turning point. The team decided to organize a moment of commemoration—not only for the founder, but also for other losses over the years: departed colleagues, missed opportunities, projects that never came to fruition. Stories were shared, photos looked at, and silence was allowed where words did not fit.

After that day, the door truly opened for the first time. The office was redesigned—not to forget, but to be able to move on. The energy in the company changed noticeably. There was more openness, more willingness to address difficult topics as well.

Commemoration in Organizations – Why It Matters

In organizations, the focus is often on the future, on strategy and growth. But without acknowledging the past, the path forward becomes heavier. Unacknowledged losses continue to cast a shadow over the present.

Examples of what can be commemorated:

- Loss of people: through death, departure, or dismissal.

- Loss of ideals: projects that once symbolized the soul of the organization, but that failed.

- Loss of safety: periods of conflict, uncertainty, or crisis.

By giving these moments a place, you acknowledge not only the pain, but also the value of what once was. That makes it possible to move forward with more energy and connection.

The Risks of Not Commemorating

When there is no space for commemoration:

- Relationships become rigid, and old conflicts continue to play out beneath the surface.

- Trust erodes because people feel their experiences have no place.

- Engagement declines: those who do not feel seen in the story will invest less in its future.

Not commemorating is often not a conscious choice, but the result of haste, discomfort, or the illusion that “the past is over.” But the past cannot be managed away. It seeks expression—sometimes subtly, sometimes disruptively.

An Invitation to Conscious Leadership

Commemoration requires slowing down. Allowing emotions that may not fit neatly into the day’s agenda. Recognizing that leadership is not only about setting direction, but also about providing a holding space.

This can begin in small ways:

- A moment of silence in a meeting for someone who is leaving the team.

- A collective reflection on a completed project, including what did not succeed.

- An annual acknowledgment of what the team has endured, not only of what it has achieved.

In this way, commemoration becomes not a formal obligation, but a living part of the culture.

Closing – The Question Behind the Silence

Commemoration is more than pausing to remember what happened. It is a choice to listen to what lives beneath the surface—also in your organization or community.

What is being commemorated where you are—explicitly or silently?

And do you dare to face that together?

Rene de Baaij