Summary
Not everyone stood still for two minutes. And some stood still even longer. Commemoration reveals not only who we are, but also who or what we unconsciously leave out of sight.
Not everyone stood still for two minutes. And some stood still even longer. National Remembrance Day and Liberation Day raise questions every year about who is commemorated—and who is not. About who feels represented in the collective ritual, and who quietly disappears into the shadow of the silence.
Commemoration is more than a ceremony. It is a moment when past, present, and future touch. But what we choose to name in that moment—and what we leave untouched—may say even more than the words that are spoken.
Core insight – The selectivity of memory
Memory is never complete. It is selective, colored, and layered. In communities, families, organizations, and societies there are always two kinds of stories:
- The spoken stories—officially told in speeches, books, and reports.
- The undercurrent stories—whispering only in silences, gestures, or avoided glances.
Sometimes the past is too painful, too complicated, or too charged to capture in words. Then a group—consciously or unconsciously—chooses silence. But that silence does not erase the past; it settles into behavior, culture, and mutual relationships.
You see this in organizations as well. A merger that was successful on paper, but about which people still whisper years later. A conflict that was formally resolved, yet whose energy remains locked. A colleague who suddenly disappeared—without anyone ever saying out loud why.
Commemoration, in whatever form, offers the possibility to break these silences. Not to rewrite the past, but to give it an acknowledged place.
The function of rituals
Rituals hold a particular power. They mark transitions, make loss visible, and give form to what words cannot fully express. In their best form, they connect the personal and the collective.
A well-designed ritual:
- Creates safety to feel what needs to be felt.
- Gives recognition to what has mattered, even if it was painful.
- Builds connection between people, beyond content and differences.
It takes courage from leaders to facilitate such moments—especially when they evoke discomfort or old pain. But the alternative is often worse: an organization or community that becomes emotionally rigid while outwardly continuing as usual.
Deepening – A closed door
A CEO of a family business once told me about a room in the office building that always remained closed. It was the office of his father, the company’s founder. After his sudden death, the room had been left untouched. No one used it, but no one spoke about it either.
During an internal conversation about the company’s history, this came up. The CEO said softly: “It feels like a mausoleum. As if we never truly processed his death.”
That conversation became a turning point. The team decided to organize a moment of remembrance—not only for the founder, but also for other losses over the years: colleagues who had left, missed opportunities, projects that never fully flourished. Stories were shared, photos looked at, and silence allowed where words did not fit.
After that day, the door truly opened for the first time. The office was redesigned—not to forget, but to move forward. The energy in the company changed noticeably. There was more openness, more willingness to address difficult topics.
Commemoration in organizations – Why it matters
Organizations often focus on the future, on strategy and growth. But without acknowledging the past, the road ahead becomes heavier. Unrecognized losses linger like a shadow over the present.
Examples of what might be commemorated:
- Loss of people: through death, departure, or dismissal.
- Loss of ideals: projects that once symbolized the soul of the organization, but did not succeed.
- Loss of safety: periods of conflict, uncertainty, or crisis.
By giving these moments a place, you acknowledge not only the pain, but also the value of what has been. That makes it possible to move forward with more energy and connection.
The risks of not commemorating
When there is no space for remembrance:
- Relationships stiffen, and old conflicts continue beneath the surface.
- Trust erodes, because people feel their experiences have no place.
- Engagement decreases: those who do not feel seen in the story will invest less in its future.
Not commemorating is often not a conscious choice, but the result of haste, discomfort, or the illusion that “the past is over.” But the past cannot be managed away. It seeks expression—sometimes subtly, sometimes disruptively.
An invitation to conscious leadership
Commemoration requires slowing down. Allowing emotions that may not fit the day’s agenda. Realizing that leadership is not only about giving direction, but also about providing a holding environment.
It can begin small:
- A moment of silence in a meeting for someone leaving the team.
- A collective reflection on a completed project, including what did not succeed.
- An annual recognition of what the team has endured, not only what it has achieved.
In this way, commemoration becomes not a formal obligation, but a living part of the culture.
Closing – The question behind the silence
Commemoration is more than pausing for what has happened. It is a choice to listen to what lives beneath the surface—also in your organization or community.
What is being commemorated with you—explicitly or silently?
And do you dare to face that together?
Rene de Baaij